Don't say it!
by Ariarty
Summary: Everyone dies on him. Every single person that loved him died in terrifying way. Law is desperate and suicidal, can anyone save him? Help him? It is dangerous to dwell in past. AU - modern, slice of life, depression, language, implied relationships, suicidal thoughts, mystery, talking to dead, reminiscing Only hints of pairing. Law, Luffy, Hawkins, Kidd, Cora, Doffy, Zoro, Nami


**Hi lovelies! I'm back with yet another story. I know it might seem chaotic at first, hope you still enjoy it.**

 **Please leave a comment or PM me :) This pairing is unusual I know, but I couldn't help it. I was crying while writing it T:T**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing**

 **Enjoy**

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" _Cora-san! Let's go!" I laughed happily at that time. Still young and carefree. I ran ahead, looking forward to see ZOO for the first time since getting from hospital.  
"Hai, hai Law. We have all the time we want!" Blond man with green-blue star painted on his right eye, and crazy red lipstick, making him look like a clown. He was the real attraction for every child in ZOO, if not for his crazy facial appearance then for the black long feather cloak, or probably because he tripped out of blue, falling, laughing. It could be also because he lit himself on fire more often than he tripped. I never laughed about these accidents, even though they were funny, I always feared for his wellbeing. _

I sighed, drowning shot and then ordering another one immediately. Luffy's friends were worried, no wonder, nobody knew. This was memorial meeting for their fallen comrade. For me… what was he to me? Lover? Yes, later on surely, but in first place, A friend.  
"Oi! Torao! You should slow down, you will get trashed real quick this way!" Franky, a bulky man with blue hair warned me. I just glared at him and rolled my drink in glass.  
"So what?! As if anyone minded…." I mumbled, again drowning myself in memories. So many bad things happened. And it was always my fault.

" _Hey! Corazon! Get out! Leave me alone!" I shouted at Cora-san held my wrist painfully and dragged me from our 'secret' base. Lately I got alone with some young punks, who formed a gang and I joined gladly. I did it to make Cora-san angry, as we didn't get on well lately.  
"No Law! I ain't gonna watch you, destroying your future after all we've been through!" Blond snapped and kept dragging me, while we were shouting at each other someone his him over head, Cora-san fell on ground.  
"Baby 5! What the hell?!" I snapped and snatched baseball bat she held.  
"You told him to fuck off! I thought you needed my help!" Black-haired girl, dressed in short skirt and shirt that was barely covering her growing boobs, stood proudly, satisfied with her doing.  
"NO! You were definitely not needed! I could have managed!" I snapped and she ran back inside, crying liked a little baby. I grabbed Cora-san by arm and dragged him to car, I had no idea how to drive but I knew I need to get away, or else they'd hurt him more. In process, when I started to be happy I could drive without passing course we crashed. We were taken to hospital._

Luffy's friends were weird. They in deed celebrated, despite the fact their friend was buried only few hours. While I was drowned in my memories, which were brought by his death, everyone seemed to be on good way to forget this sad day. I pulled my spotted hat more into my face so I could hide smile, which always surfaced while I thought of Cora-san, as well as it was great mean how to hide tears that threatened to started steaming down my cheeks.  
"Trafalgar?" I refused to turned the way voice was standing.  
"Leave me alone, Nico Robin!" I only hissed, even if I knew it was more than inappropriate. She left, I looked up to find out that no one was around me anymore, they just gave up on me and left. It was for their good.

" _Why are you grinning like an idiot, Cora-san?!" I snapped angrily, not that I didn't have my dose, he was in hospital and still grinning happily.  
"You're back Law! I knew you were not lost case!" He smile one of his toothy grins. I couldn't make it and threw myself on him, crying like a little child.  
"I'm sorry Cora-san… so sorry… sorry… sorry…" I sobbed while he was brushing my hair with his fingers, at that time unaware that my weight on his chest caused him tremendous pain, but he said nothing, only laughed and smiled, even at the cost of almost unbearable pain. _

I noticed a few people were whispering and looking at me. Usopp, another one of gang-men excused me. Saying that I was the doctor who always saved Luffy's life. He said I was the reason young boy lived for so long in first place, and that little boss loved me more than anyone. It felt as if someone stabbed me in heart. People who loved me always died. No matter what. I drowned my glass again and ordered double scotch, hoping I will get drunk soon and go home.

" _But Cora-san! I want to know what Is your job!" I said stubbornly, I was really curious, he rarely worked, but if he did, he always came late and had grave wounds.  
"I SAID NO, LAW! Stay home!" I had happened first time, and for last time that he shoved me back so hard I fell. When it happened, as if switch turned in him, it was again that smiling, dorky Cora-san I knew. That look in his eyes. It was one that ony dangerous men possessed. I pretended to understand and stayed home. I waited for like 10 minutes and then ran after him curious._

"if only I had listened to you…." I mumbled.

" _Rosinante! You traitorous dog!" Some man snapped, I didn't get who he was talking to. I saw only him and gun pointed at his head. I was afraid. There were dozens of dead bodies, a terror run through me as stranger called Rosinante spoke.  
"I warned you once to stop. Selling drugs to under-aged, child prostitution, weapons, white-meat market…." He spoke. I knew for sure now. It was Cora-san! I could no longer control my body as I stepped out from my hideout.  
"C-Cora-san! What is this?!" I asked startled, first time in those years I feared him, never before seeing those warm, hearty eyes harden with such a murderous glare. He almost never smoked around me. When he looked from man towards me, his mouth fell open and cigarette fell down to ground. There was a minute of silence.  
"L-Law! What are you-" He never finished that sentence. It happened all in a blink of an eye. Cora-san was now in front of me, kneeling and panting.  
"Vergo…" He growled, covering me with his body, my eyes widened as there was forming pool of blood under him.  
"It is Vergo-san!" Man shouted, and triggered his weapon. One, two, three, four, five times. He surely stopped shooting because of police sirens. Vergo ran away.  
"Cora-san!" I screamed and was right away by his side, kneeling, crying, shaking him slightly. "Don't leave me Cora-san! Please! I will never do anything like this again. Please don't die!" I was screaming, crying. It was all for nothing. I already knew he was dying. But still. I heard soft laughter, pained, but still, it was there. HE was there. My Cora-san.  
"Don't cry Law. I am glad you are safe." He said softly, voice was fading, no longer so strong and cheerful, but it was all there somewhere, hidden.  
"No, Cora-san, please…." I whispered. There was sound of footsteps, or running. I no longer distinguished so. His hand found mine and held it.  
"Law!" He called. I almost screamed in happiness. It was loud and strong voice, when I looked at him he was smiling. "Live on Law! I love you." He whispered. Hand that held me so dearly fell. And I screamed. Long, painfully. Not caring who will hear or see my cries and tears falling down my cheeks, I refused to let go of his body._

"Law?" I rose my head, looking at girl with orange hair. She offered me a kind smile, I only sighed, no longer able to pretend I had any more sadness or pain for dead. "Luffy would not want you to be here. Alone, sad, drowning yourself in booze, and on best way to become alcoholic." She said kindly. It doesn't matter what they said, they knew nothing.  
"Yes, you're just a witch. How could you understand?!" I asked sharply and sat up, straightening. Her look was priceless, it was mainly anger as if I hit the right spot. She had all the signs of woman about to start throwing tantrum, I knew she loved him, but could never have him. "He did this all for you! Stealing, plundering. Enhancing this little gang! Trying to be best, to achieve his friends' ambitions and dreams! He was shot so many times because he finally wanted you to live without being indebted to Arlong! To get revenge for you!" I snapped, expecting tantrum that never came, she just ran away crying. I felt no guilt for saying the truth, but apparently they wanted me to feel it. I just grabbed my stuff and left without word. Soon Luffy's best friend caught up with me. His name was Zoro.  
"She is witch and bitch, but you needn't have said that." He said and shared his bottle of booze with me, it was really unusual for man but I was not about to complain. I sighed and drank some before returning it.  
"She should have just left me alone…" I growled back, without intention of apologising.  
"It is hard on all of us, y'know?" Zoro asked, there was pain in his voice, I knew this kind of pain, he has lost someone he held feelings for, not for lover, it was as if he lost a part of his own family.  
"I know… He wanted to stop, start anew, and I couldn't save him. I could only watch him die…" As many before him… I added for myself while I talked to swordman. Then we walked in silence. I was again left for my memories.

" _So you're Law…" It was Corazon's… no Rosinantes funeral. I had a lot of trouble digging information about his family. But it didn't matter. It was all I could do for him, a decent funeral. I rose my head from grave stone and looked at stranger.  
"So what?!" I snapped back, I refused to cry anymore, to feel pain, so I hid my heart in great box, covered it with ice and snow. I looked at person with cold, dead eyes and almost started crying again. He looked so much like Cora-san. The only difference was this man was wearing pink feather cloak, not black feather like Cora-san, he was wearing pink glasses and was a little taller than Cora-san.  
"Boss, why we here?" Some man sounding as if he had allergy spoke, I wanted to kick him in ball for being so rude.  
"Silence Trebolt! It is my brother's funeral!" Man hissed and almost kicked the other, called Trebolt. I had problem to not start crying, but when I realised this man was nothing like Cora-san it was easier, they only looked alike. Their personalities were completely different. I glared at him with killing intention, same one I saw in Cora-san's eyes, I wanted him to get over with his business here and leave, no longer interested in getting to know him. "So you're Law…" He repeated, it started to get on my nerves, he was getting on my nerves, in worst possible way.  
"Yes." I answered through gritted teeth, currently I had only one desire, to kill Vergo.  
"Come with me, that is the only thing I can do for Rosinante, take care of his beloved one." Man spoke, it send shivers down my spine, as it sounded so poisonously.  
"Who are you? Cora-san never mentioned you, neither spoke of you. Why should I believe you?!" I snapped, we were the only ones there.  
"Hey hey! Doffy! He is so ungrateful!" Man sounding like his nose was running spoke again, it was only getting me more and more pissed. I soon figured out that my hurt, pain and sorrow was easily converted into anger.  
"I am Donquixote Doflamingo, Rosinante's brother. We were not at best terms, but you want revenge right? I know those eyes Law, I will give you a chance, and once, you will pay me back." Doflamingo said. It was too alluring to refuse, so I held out my hand, in silent agreement._

"Trafalgar? Many people you liked died? You seem too unaffected…." Zoro spoke, that marimo head had always good guess on me. I sighed and curled into ball on bench, where we sat and drank.  
"huh… is it so easy to say?" I asked instead of answer. He already knew, so it didn't matter. When greenhead shifted closer I glared at him murderously, daring him to try anything. "Too many…" I resigned and told him in the end. He only nodded silently, waiting and being silent support for me. This man might have been the strongest among Strawhats but he could take none of pain that I was held within me. He just spoke up out of blue.  
"If I didn't have Sanji. Should anything happen to him, I would get insane. I admire you. You are a strong man Trafalgar, it will pass. Surely-"  
"I don't wanna!" I shouted, without realising, and silence fell again. I didn't want anyone to love me again. Without a single word as I started running, as far and as fast as possible. I just wanted to get away from everything, the only thing I have achieved was that my mind started reminding me of everyone, everything I have ever done wrong.

" _Congratulation Law. You have graduated medicine, exactly as you dreamed." Doflamingo spoke. We were having dinner, as celebration for many things that happened. But this was seemed to delight him the most. Later I found out that Cora-san worked for police. In some way he was a policeman, undercover agent, as they say, later I have learnt that Doflamingo was the head in this city. I played along, the whole time, and had to play along a little more. It was unbearable, the whole night. He said he'd give me the present I have never hoped for. Something I have earned for. So I was restlessly waiting. Waiting until his minions brought him. Man that destroyed my life. Vergo. I clenched my jaw and put hands in fists. "Doctor, I'm sure you can use some study material, even if it is alive." I knew what Doflamingo wanted. He wanted me to show him how vivisection is done. I gulped. My mind never in these years slipped to what Cora-san would want. I studied and worked hard to be a good pard of Donquixote family. I found out that people from my old gang were part of it as well. "Law! You hesitate in killing man who killed my brother?!" Doffy asked sharply, it didn't make me flinch as many times before. Not anymore.  
"Cora-san would not want it…" I mumbled, but anyway reached for my kit. Years ago, Cora-san bought me a medic kit. With scalpels, forceps, clamps, retractors, distractors, basically everything, he was preparing me to be a good surgeon, to save people's lives. Not to kill humans. My movement apparently put Donquixote's murderer at ease._

I stopped, breathless. I wanted to his my head against walls, over and over again, just to stop those memories. I heard sounds of outside world, cars, talking, gossiping. Nothing mattered. I felt so lonely. I never minded being alone. But now. Knowing I will never ever see that smile again, hear that laughter. God. Luffy reminded me so much of Cora-san that it was at first painful, but then I started slowly falling for him. Young boy has fallen for me almost immediately, well probably after the 3rd time I have performed a surgery on him and saved his life. I slid down the wall and curled there, not giving a shit what will people think.

 _Next thing I knew is that I stood in pool of blood. A room full of dead bodies. Donquixote family, all dead. Just because of Vergo. He too everything from me! Once again. There I sat, straggling dead body, stabbing it, cutting it open, playing with his insides. Furiously ripping him open, breaking ribs with bare hands, getting cuts from sharp ribs and bones I have broken. Vergo was long dead but my anger and bloodlust was far from satiated. So I continued, destroying dead body, hoping he could still somehow feel pain. Then I was screaming, angry at myself I didn't let man feel more of ma anger. When I stood, the thing laying under me, no longer resembled a human being. "Hope you will burn in hell for eternity…" I whispered. I no longer faked my dead voice, emotionless. I finally had nothing more to lose._

"Hey! Torao! Fucking stop scaring me like this! They sent me to look after you not to let you kill yourself!" Marimo man snapped and hit ma head with fist, successfully dragging me to reality. I felt… pain. I was sad, my sorrow was singing. It was not as bad as when Cora-san died, but still it was really bad. I trembled and swallowed my pride.  
"Zoro-ya? Will you help me get home?" I asked weakly. They were right. I had one solution I have never considered. Always hoping I could get rid of that curse. Yes. I was cursed. Every person who falls for me, dies. Greenhead man looked at me  
surprised and nodded, grabbing my arm and forcing me to stand.  
"Yup, no problem…" He mumbled and put an arm around my waist, surely it was meant as soothing gesture, but worked quite the opposite.  
"Thank you…." I mumbled, not willing to talk anymore, and again sank into my memories. I should have saved Luffy, I should have sent him away as I did before to other men. I should have made him. But it was as impossible as hating Cora-san even if he lied to me most of the time.

" _B-but… what did I do?! Law! Answer me!" Redhead angrily broke another thing. I calmly sat on the couch and kept reading a medical book. "Don't fucking ignore me! You just told me we are breaking up!" He screamed, destroying table this time. I lazily looked over muscular frame of my lover, my eyes slid from his wild redhair, black bandana, which held it. I inspected features of his face, now twisted in anger and pain. We really grew close, so close that it was painful even for me to break up with him. Slowly I shifted my eyes over muscular chest and shoulders, strong arms. One would think this man could not be gentle, or kind, but the thrust was the opposite. Kidd was the most gentle and the kindest man I have met. I have had as lover, but only when he wanted to. It all started as friends with benefits. We both needed to get laid. We had but only one rule. NO feelings involved. Before I realised it, he has already fallen for me. 'I am doing this for you Eustass-ya…' I thought for myself and stood up, calmly and walked over to him.  
"It leads nowhere Eustass-ya, you must see it as well. We just don't fit…." I tried to reason with him. It was hard to thinking clearly, when I saw his dark red lips quiver. I was not sure if it was from anger or sadness. It must have been sadness, if he was angry at me this way I'd surely end up on ICU. "It really is not your fault-" He grabbed me by shoulders and forced me back few steps, looking at me with those hurt eyes.  
"JUST tell me the truth! We're no good because I am mechanic and you doctor is that so?! Are you seeing someone?! JUST tell me the truth!" He snapped, I stumbled a little and almost fell, I'd surely hit my head on the edge of little glass table in front of sofa if he hadn't caught me. He helped me to stand and held my arm till I stilled myself.  
"Kidd!" I said loudly and showed him to sit down, I didn't want him to get hurt more than he already was. "Look what you have done to yourself!" I too have only recently noticed, that in the process of destroying my flat Kidd has hurt himself too, mainly his hands as he was hitting everything. "Sit and wait! I will treat you." I ordered him. It was really rare for him to listen to me but he did, in a minute I was back with first-aid kit and started working. My methodical work calmed me greatly. I sighed and sat on floor, giving him psychological advantage, as he was higher than me now. This little thing didn't work on me but it seemed to calm my favourite, beautiful and dangerous, raging beast like man, lover. "I swear to you, Eustass-ya, I am not seeing anyone. Only you, for past year." I said calmly making him scowl.  
"Then why?!" He demanded. I couldn't have told him. I couldn't have told him I was more than 100% sure he'd die in near future.  
"KIDD!" I snapped, trembling, it was not easy for me neither. "It is not easy for me neither!" I decided to tell him. "It is not like I don't love you anymore! If you only had known!" Looking down and stilled my trembling hands, I have never thought it is goig to be this hard.  
"Then fucking tell me damn it! LAW!" He shouted again, forcing me to look up. If we did not break like an hour ago I would not resist, I would kiss those lips, I would try to posses them, to keep them. My jaw trembled a little and I slapped his hand away, I didn't need any bruises on my jaw.  
"Stop you brute!" I snapped and stood. "It is over! Get over it and stop making yourself look like a fool!" I snapped, his mouth hung open, speechless. I have never been harsh with him, not this way. "Don't look at me like that! You know very good that this was only about fucking, since the start! Don't act as if I had only used you and gave you false hopes of beautiful relationship!" I snapped. 'It is the only way… I'm sorry Eustass-ya'. Thinking this I marched towards the front door and swung it open, opening my palm and showing it to him. "I want my key back and I never wanna see you in this place again Eustass-ya! You're not leaving me any other choice, I wanted to keep you as a friend, but this would never work anyway!" I said emotionlessly, pretending it. I wanted to cry, wanted to tell him my past as well as he told me about his. He watched me dumbfounded for a while before he stood, fished keys from his pocked and detached mine from his. Slowly, as if it could change my decision, he walked next to me and with great pain put keys into my hand.  
"Law, I—"  
"Farewell!" I said loudly, just to interrupt his soft tries, without any further tries, the man that melted my heart walked out of my flat. I closed the door and locked, as if I could lock my heart away once more…._

"Trafalgar! Hey! Trao!" It took me a while to figure out where I was, I was so lost in my mind that I didn't even notice I was already home, almost. The same flat I was just dreaming about. "LAW!" I finally pulled myself together and sighed, fishing said keys and opening my apartment.  
"Thank you Roronoa. Do you want…" I wanted to continue but he cut me off.  
"No, you need to sleep and I want to drink." He said with grin, it was grim but I didn't mind, I only smiled weakly, disarming him of anything he had to say. I knew I smiled only rarely around Strawhats. I carefully freed myself from supportive grip and leaned against doorframe.  
"See ya around Zoro-ya." I said with faked smile, pretending I was alright and shut the door closed, locking.

As always Eustass Kidd hung out in weird bars, in places where no sane person would go. He became a heavy drinker, it has been one and half year since he was meeting there with a strange person, but blond was exactly what he searched for. Silent, understanding companion, who would listen to him. He was fortune teller, yet whenever Kidd asked him about his future man would not answer, saying that Kidd still didn't have his fate sealed.

"Kidd?" blond man suddenly spoke up. He never gave off any sign to redhead that he'd care for him. It always seemed that occultist cared only for himself and his cards.  
"What is it Hawkins?" Redhead asked, he was not even drunk yet, so he was not really ready for talking about demons, fate and shit around as Kidd called it.  
"You once mentioned you had person you held dear and-"  
"No I didn't!" Kidd snapped. He never told anything to Basil, he was sure about it, he hated the fact that man was a real fortune teller, but his curiosity couldn't be sated anymore, so he listened. Hawkins as if sensing it continued, spreading out his cards, turning them, frowning more and more.  
"I still can't see your fate, that is strange. Here." He pointed at a grimreaper card, or at least Kidd thought it was grimreaper. "The person you love, there is a shadow of Death over him." Hawkins spoke and Kidd started to laugh.  
"Yes, he has DEATH tattooed over his knuckles of both hands." Kidd said nostalgically, thinking about Law always made him sad, angry, hurt and in worst times even suicidal. Blond only rose his not existing brow and continued as if Eustass didn't say a word.  
"He has lost many people… There is a great pain." Occultist said, he actually started frowning more and more, and that was strange because in one and half year Kidd haven't seen his expression to change from neutral to anything.  
"I don't know… he never told me. But Strawhat Luffy died… I heard they were close…" Redhead spat, jealously, almost venomously, surely he didn't mourn boy's death, even though it was a tragedy. Eustass watched The Magicial Basil Hawkins, as town folks called him.  
"I think you should go and see him…." Occultist suggested. Kidd only waved it off with hand.  
"nah…. That fella hates me, we didn't break up in best way…" Redhead started excusing himself.  
"Like now, Kidd!" Blond demanded, so Kidd stood up and not really willingly went to see his ex-lover, even though he thought it is gonna be disaster.

Kidd was hitting the door of his ex-lover for a good half an hour. Nobody was answering. He contemplated breaking in, when he remembered Law always kept extra key under the rug in front of his door, he opened door for himself and walked in.

Hawkins made his living by foretelling the future, it was his gift since he could remember. It happened only rarely to him that he couldn't tell one's fate. Rarely he was really curious as he was now. He shuffled tarot cards properly, hoping this time he will see it. Basil started spreading out cards, feeling of uneasiness dwelling in his guts as he started turning them slowly.  
"No…." He breathed out, once he has seen it. He has seen why lately he was not able to foretell his own future as well.

" _Torao! Shishishishis…." I heard the same laughter almost every day. Every single shift in hospital, I always had the same patient.  
"Luffy! What have you done this time?" I asked when I came, his medical records became really heavy to carry around, but I didn't mind. I quickly inspected boy, finding a few cuts and bruises.  
"Naaah…. I'm alright, just Zoro forced me to come here!" I sighed irritated as always by young man's behaviour and motioned greenhead to follow me with patient. I hated to have nurses help me so I tried to carry out everything alone. It happened so many times that already marimo knew what to do. He put Luffy on bed and made him lay down.  
"And don't move boss!" He said sternly, I could only smile, as soon I have figured that black haired boy listened only to me and the other man present in room.  
"So what was it this time?" I asked as I started disinfecting wounds, injected him some anaesthesia and slowly started sewing him.  
"We were carrying the window, Luffy slipped and fell from stairs on glass!" Greenhead quickly made up excuse, I only sighed. He surely knew I didn't trust them a little.  
"Shihihihih…. Gang fight! Become gang doctor Torao!" Luffy said laughing, his laughter more and more often hurt me rather than comported me.  
"Don't move or you will die!" I tried to scare him, many many times. But it never worked.  
"hai hai~~~" he resigned._

Banging on the door finally stopped, I only sighed, he was so predictable, whoever it was. I just continued staring on scalpel in my hands, carefully trailing fingers over it. Cora-san gave it to me. Long long time ago.

"Trafalgar! Fucking open the door when I'm knocking!" Voice too well known to me snapped. I only lowered my head, unwilling to answer or look at him. I kept playing with sharp equipment I used every day. I forgot how persistent could Kidd be. I remembered when he shoved me against sofa and forced me to sit.  
"Huh…. I forgot that you're such a persistent bastard, what do you want?" I asked coldly, meeting that old hurt in his eyes. I couldn't stand it, I had to look away. I looked down on my hands, they were trembling. I was definitely not in state to carry out surgery. _I'd fail it anyway. As I failed to save Luffy._ I sighned, flinching as huge frame sat next to me in silence. I sighed, being so pathetic wasn't like being me. "Eustass-ya, please go home." I asked him kindly.  
"Not happening you creep. One my friend had a hunch and told me to come." Redhead said, rolling his eyes over his own idiotic reason.  
"Really bad excuse for breaking into my apartment. Please, I'd be really happy if you could leave!" I rose my voice, standing and looking at him, worried, scared, angry and caring. _Before you die because of me…_ I thought as I proceeded to have shower, hoping he would not come, of course he did.  
"Can't you fucking undress before shower?! Y'know it has no meaning if you don't!" He said cheekily and I sighed, rolling my eyes. I didn't realise I was still holding my scalpel and already cut myself a little.  
"It is none of your business! Remember?! We broke up, almost two years ago, and I'm really-"  
"Not going anywhere, you apparently need some help."  
"Get out!"  
"No!"  
"Out!" I snapped and stood, slipping in shower. I stumbled and fell on him. Realization hit me hard when I felt warm slick liquid seeping through my fingers. If only I could have let go of my memories, he would live. I looked down on redhead, he was even more pale than ever, his eyes pale. He was gasping. I didn't need to look to know what I have done. Stabbed him. With memory of Cora-san, Doflamingo, Luffy. "No…" I gasped, feeling my tears to finally break free. "I… Kidd… I…. didn't…" I knew I have stabbed his heart artery. Scalpel was not big enough to make him bleed out quickly and painlessly, also there was no chance he'd survive even if I had the best equipment in the country. "Eustass-ya….I'm sorry I didn't-" He looked at me, more calm. We both knew. He didn't cry. "Don't smile you bastard! You're dying!" I snapped, hysterically. I didn't know when last time I felt like this, probably when Cora-san was dying.  
"That's…. okey…." He breathed out, I saw how he was fighting the pained grimace away, how every breath became torture to him. "My life…. Sucked… without you…. Fucking a lot…." Ha coughed. I couldn't…  
"Kidd no!" I snapped, but I was always the weak one compared to him, when he pushed my hand away and pulled the scalpel, letting the blood flow.  
"I loved you, you creepy doctor." He smiled. Why were they always smiling at me?! Everyone who died on me always smiled.  
"Don't go… please..." I whispered, it was too late, his eyes fluttered down. He would never look at me with those emerald eyes. "EUSTASS-YA!" It was against logic, to scream at a dead person, yet everyone did it. Even I did. Now it was even more than too late to tell him. "I wanted to save you… They all died on me… I didn't want… you to dies…" I was whispering between sobs and cries. "I loved you Kidd…." I whispered. I was beast, monster, demon. Everyone's doom.

I cried silently, shifting from Kidd's dead body back to shower, curling and crying.  
"I am so sorry…. Forgive me Cora-san…. I just can't…" I gasped, mumbling. It was gradually harder and harder to take breath as cries shook my body. I calmed only for so long to slit veins on my wrists. I had no right for quick painless death. They all died, painfully, slowly and on me. Smiling, telling me to live. "I CAN NOT LIVE LIKE THIS!" I screamed, hoping my neighbours would not give a shit. I watched blood slowly staining my clothes, falling into bathtube and slowly continuing to drain. It was strange, it didn't bother me. They say a person will try to save himself, but it was not my case. "I should have died there…. Why you saved me?! ALL OF YOU?!" I sobbed, hating myself for allowing my existence to continue, for allowing everyone to die those horrible ways. I took shallow breath and my vision went blurry. I thought I heard some voice, with last bits of my strength I looked at person standing in door.  
"Angel? Will you… take me to them?" I breathed out and felt myself hit the gound.

At first I was blinded by white lights. I couldn't make out anything. It was only white. Only then I started recognising beeping of monitors. There was one for cardiac monitoring, one for hemodynamic monitoring, respiratory monitoring and neurological monitoring. I sighed, trying to remember what happened. Realisation hit me sooner than I was prepared. I killed him. Not that I have never killed anyone, I killed Vergo as well but. I killed Cora-san, Eustass Kidd, Monkey D. Luffy, Doflamingo Donquixote. I panicked, getting my heartbeat at berserker pace. It has brought an attention of every nurse and doctor. The worst thing was that I was admitted to hospital where I worked, so everyone knew me. My mind couldn't stop, jumping from one scenario to another. Most of all, I didn't know who called the ambulance, it was worst.

"Dr. Trafalgar! Don't scare us so much! We thought you're having heart-attack!" My colleague told me off, but in fact was glad I woke. "You know what year is? City? Your name? Do you know where you are?"  
"Trafalgar Water D. Law, 2016, New York, St. Nicholas' hospital." I said weakly and looked away. I had one simple wish and I couldn't even do that one right. "How long, Dr. Vegapunk?" I asked, looking back at him.  
"Almost one and half week, we thought you'd never wake up. Some man kept coming, bringing flowers and always saying you'd wake up for sure." Nurse answered me, she was nice, long blue hair in ponytail. I have seen her here a few time.  
"Who?" I asked, disoriented. Nobody should have known.  
"I think his name was Basil Hawkins, he always kept telling weird things such as this hospital was perfect, because St. Nicholas was the patron of lost souls and that he'd help you…"  
"Vivi! That is enough, go!" Vegapunk sent her away and sat, now I knew it was grave. "There was found a body, bloody scalpel with your fingerprints, care to explain to me?" He asked in tone I knew to well. I'd either tell him the truth and Vegapunk would help me, or I'd lie to him, and he'd make sure I would never again see the sun.  
"I… I killed him…" I breathed out breath-taking fact and started to treble. "I didn't want to. I buried Luffy, my dear friend…." I sobbed and looked down. "We drank a lot in bar, when I got home…. I wanted to kill myself…. So many people died because of me… I must be curse Vegapunk…. I slipped… I …. I wanted…." I caught my wrists and started to trebmle. "I slipped…. He tried to catch me… I …. I stabbed his heart artery…. He bled out under my hands…. There was nothing I could do…" I whispered and looked up at my colleague. He only nodded silently.  
"I will make up believable story, you tell no one, you are a good surgeon with a promising future Trafalgar. Don't ruin it and-" A knock on the door cut him off as Vivi came in with smile.  
"Doctor Trafalgar? Do you feel like accepting a visit? That man came." She asked, I looked at Vegapunk who nodded and left. I sat up and asked her to let man in. At first I was caught off guard by his appearance. Tall, with long blond, slightly wavy hair, falling down his front, shoulders and ending by his waist. Simple white shirt, half buttoned, cross tattooed at the base of his throat and above place where the eye brows should be another 3 vertical tattoos, looking like triangles. He wore black pants. I looked at his face, emotionless as mine used to be. Yes used to be. I can not crumble now. I had to get my heart under control once again.  
"How are you feeling?" He asked, approaching me and changing flowers in vase. It was weird, we did not know each other, he had no reason to be here.  
"Who are you?" I asked, finally calming my raging heart. Soon monitors beeped only from time to time.  
"My name is Basil Hawkins. Yours is Trafalgar Water D. Law." Hawkins said, making me frown, he sat next to bed and pulled out package of cards.  
"If you're gonna tell me you know it by reading your cards I will not believe ya. I am surgeon. Basically a scientist." I said, refusing the idea this man could have some supernatural powers. He only sighed and started laying out cards.  
"This will be more difficult that I thought…" He mumbled, getting my attention and started talking. "You were worn in the cradle of ice, taken away when you were a child. Someone saw a sign of the serpent gold. You were taken far away, to the west, through the oceans. You have seen everyone you loved to die, and you think they died because they loved you." Basil continued turning cards, speaking. Monitors have betrayed me, telling him my heart-beat was getting faster.  
"Silence! How dare you-!"  
"I don't, I have read your past, never knowing whose past was it, if yours or Eustass Kidd's." When he mentioned redhead and immediately curled to ball, then it made sense.  
"You sent him! Damn you! You fucking knew what would happen!" I snapped at him, ready to grab first thing and hit him hard over head.  
"I did not. I saw your future, your death. I told him to go. You did not kill him, I did. I thought I could change given point in his destiny, I was too late. The death had to claim one of you." Hawkins said, his voice was always so neutral, so emotionless, as much as his expression. "Please, do not blame yourself, I am to blame. However, had I not sent him, you'd be dead." He finished and waited for my answer, I watched him taken aback. He again folded his cards, shuffled them again.  
"What will you foretell now?" I asked coldly, I didn't want him in my life.  
"Your reaction, as you don't seem to be that kind of person who would share his plans." He answered me, that indifference in his voice was driving me crazy.  
"Ou, I will tell you, I want you to get the fuck out of my life once and for all! Before you die as anyone else!" I snapped. I didn't want to be responsible for yet another death.  
"Trafalgar Water D. Law, I will not allow you to kill yourself!" He spoke up in powerful voice, I almost got the feeling that he was shaping my fate, this man. He was looking at his creepy cards and kept putting my plans into words as if he was able to read my mind. "You do not need to hurt me, and I see no shadow of death over myself. I will make sure that great misfortune will leave you, fate is a cruel friend, but merciful ally." He spoke, for the second I thought I saw fear in his eyes.  
"What is it Basil-ya?" I asked, I was not mistaking, he did not answer immediately.  
"Law! Live on! I am watching you, and I am proud of you. I forgive you Vergo." It will sound weird, but somehow…  
"Cora-san?" I asked silently. I heard gasp and ruffling of hair as Hawkins shook his head.  
"Stop it! I will tell him alone!" He growled, it was first hint of emotion since man walked in. "He says I love you, Law." Hawkins obediently spoke. "Go away, I do not want to have anything with you, heavenly demon." He shooed away somebody else. I knew who was that.  
"Doflamingo Donquixote." I said as if it was explaining everything.  
"Thank you Torao, without you I could not protect them…" This one hurt me, I nodded, holding of my tears. I knew who was bond to speak now. I swallowed my tears. I have never cried in front of any of them, except for Cora-san. "It was only natural for me to pay you back for saving me, you creepy doctor. Thank you." Stranger said. I knew who he was speaking for, when he looked at me, Basil looked at least 40 years older than he was. Those eyes. I have noticed now.  
"What are you?" I asked, almost startled.  
"I am but a simple fortune teller." He answered, voice giving off impression that he was really exhausted, although a minute ago he was full of life. I sighed heavily, resting my head against knees, which I pulled to my chest, I did it to hide tears falling down my cheeks. Even in death they so much cared. I jumped a little when bed bent over another weight. Long arms wrapped around me and pulled me closer. Something broke, and I cried. Every single tear I was holding in since I was a child and Cora-san died. "It is okey, let it out…." I heard soft whisper, it sounded so unearthly. So distant.

I was never charged of murderer. Even if I should have been. I moved in with strange fortune teller. It was more like he forced me to do so, saying that my apartment had too much of dark energy in it or so. I obediently obliged. It has been 3 years.

" _What again?!" I snapped when man came into my room. When I moved in I made it clear that I refused to be in the same room and same bed for night as man was.  
"Just making sure you are alright. And I came here to ask you to return ma tarot cards." He said calmly and reached for me to return his property. We played this game a lot. Doing anything to make each other smile. It was as if we were slowly getting to know each other, unlike with my previous lovers. "Law!" He called my name, pulling me from my memories once again in right time. Basil Hawkins, what-_

"Law! Why can't you live in present?" Hawkins asked me, we were on sofa, I was cuddled up to him and slowly falling asleep after a long day in hospital.  
"You are the one to talk, always dwelling in future." I answered him, it was priceless to receive one of his smiles. However, I knew they were only for me. I started to smile a lot more, under his influence. I even introduced him to strawhats and apologised to Nami. They all talked me off for attempted suicide. I obediently heard them out and them shouted at them to shut the fuck up.  
"You are again not with me Law, what should I do to make you live in present?" Magician asked me worried, I only smiled sadly.  
"I am in present. I promised you, I would not die, not until you live." I said softly and then my lips curved into sly smile as I straddled him, obscuring his view at television.  
"You know you are—"  
"Don't read my mind, Mr. Fortune teller, then there is no fun in surprising you." I whispered softly as I leaned down and gently captured his lips. Even after all this time I still was not sure if I wanted to proceed in this relationship. After some time I pulled away, to allow us both to take a breath, I feared….  
"Law, I am not dying anytime soon, don't be afraid." He said softly and kissed my hand. He was spoiling me with his kindness and patience.  
"Just a little more time, please. Have just a little more patience Basil-ya." I whispered. One of his hands left my hips and he gently caressed my cheek.  
"Even in another life, you are my destined one, and I will wait." Hawkins said determined, making me grin like a school girl, I knew better than to ask how many he told so. I knew he confessed only to me.  
"It is nice way to say 'I love you' Basil-ya." I whispered softly, taking a shaky breath and calming down my heartbeat. "I love you, Hawkins." I whispered, silently, afraid that his fate would be affected by those 3 simple words and he would die on me immediately. Words can not kill, or can they?

* * *

 **I hope you liked the story, I decided to keep them alive.**

 **bye bye lovelies, hope you liked.**


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